Not Cross Road. Not Yet.

I have a friend who faced cross roads in life and feel kinda down, a situation which i think most of the working people had gone tru, will go tru, or will be going to.

The question ( had been altered to keep the person secret ) :

[[[[After my studies, I returned to KL to work for 10yrs, worked my way up and save as much as I can. then I decided to head back overseas to live. 
So far, its been a hard road over the years, as firstly being in a differnt country, climbing the ladder is much harder for asian...I hv to admit to that now.  I never thought it will be the case as I don't believe being an asian will hold me back in my career as I hv good working experience and skills, education...I believe I can do it and get a fair chance of success.
Now I hv come to a cross road which I am deciding should I stay and tough it out after so many yrs overseas or go back home to work? ? Doesn't look simple to decide as I got many many reasons not to return but also many many reasons to return home.  I hv been running thru all the reasons in my head, I sometime can't get to sleep...]]]]

 

My dear friend,

We had never met, but i will always see u as a friend, a close friend. What i write will be the things you'd already knew, but long forgotten. So let me remind u now again, with your own words, written out from my little finger, and hope you'll find the answer in your heart. As i found in mine...

People always tell us - ''Overseas' moon is always rounder''. It is true, and not true. Chicken and egg ! My humble saying is that, ''Other's ppl's rice doesn't taste as good as mum's'' Sometime, what you are familiar with, gives you that bonus, a strength and extra spice that can be implied into our lives. Making everything easier, and happier.

Assuming u r 35 now. U'd spent 25 years living in the country u r so familiar with, and 10 years traveling n living overseas. If u'd adapt and found someone u love there, u love the weather, the country, the culture, the people's attitude, the food, the lifestyle, and the living conditions there, then that shouldn't be a problem as ' if one fit in to all that, one is comfortable'. And when one is comfortable, one can be able to get to know alot of ppl around the field they're dealing with n build their own network tru the people they know. And by building network, the RIGHT network, one should have no problem getting into the position that they want.

I guess u had lost that strong faith in urself. To do things you want, whenever u want it. To have things your way, and straightaway get it. There will be a few times in life, when we felt like all our luck had gone missing. Some try to wait for their luck to come back, some just gave up and move to another different direction. 

Maybe u had once have that courage, maybe during the period when u chose to take up that gut and fly off to faraway, into a totally new place, hoping to start a new life, carrying that dream, that beautiful childhood memory with u. And over the time, perhaps u'd fall alot of times and it scares u and u started to hold back. 

Taking the age as example. Say u live up to 80 years old until u byebye, u'd lived 40++% of ur life and left with 50++%. Total life span minus-ing when u r old u cant enjoy, cant work, cant eat well sleep well then u r actually left with only another 35%.

The question is, if u have (let's not say 35% but) 5 years life left to live, what do you want to see yourself doing ? What do you WISH to see yourself having ? Dont think about what you want to do first, think about what you wish to see. 

Take me. And cut the story short and straightforward. I was born in a small town. My highest level of education was only SPM and my life goes on just like you. We create chances for ourselves to catch that dream of ours, that childhood dream, and *whoosh~* there we go ... to the big city.

After sometime, problems, cash flows, burdens starts pouring all over us. This and that, all that normal "Life goes on'' and ''This is life'' thing starts to never-endingly happen and we start to hold back. Cross roads ? That is if we want to see things that way. Why not see it as a choice ? Go back to my little hometown, or stay in this big city ?

For alot of people, they will say that 'Hometown' = No big chances, leading a normal life, no high ladder, no big ambitions, cant make big names in

For alot of people, they will tell you 'Big City' = Alot of chances, fame lane, high society ladder, dream come true, make a legacy

For me, 'hometown' is a place where we are comfortable with, a place we'd stayed so long in, so familiar with. A place to get things easily moved around compared with a place we're not that capable of. It's a place where there's still a slight hope for ''peace'' and ''calmness''. A place probably we still stand a chance of relaxing our mind, not getting old that fast, and less hectic, lack speed, less surrounding imfluenced stress. 

For me, 'Big City' is a place where we have to be strong, both in mind and heart. We have to be fast, street smart, adaptable, dedicated, and gung ho *omg* A place that either we break tru fast, or collapse down even faster. Attitude and the way of handling everyday's life is more important than the way you were told to handle ur task. If one's attitude towards life are negative, one can not produce great results. Remember that. Well, maybe artist can lah. When they are sad they throw the paint n the painting might actually turn out to be a keeper =) 

We are each artist in our life. But what i am trying to say is that, most of the artist isn't famous until they're old and more after they decease. And i certainly wouldn't want that to happen. Nobody wants to only be recognized by everyone when they are left with the last phase in life when they had a chance to prove themselves when they are young. That's the problem u r facing now. And that's in fact everyone's problem nowadays...

If years ago, u and me, we didn't make that first step to get out of that 'Comfort zone' and challenge ourselves to the next level, where would we be now ? What would we be doing ? Chicken and egg. If we face problems over the years, what will happen if we stepped out of the ''Uncomfort zone'' and throw ourselves back to the ''Comfort zone'' ? And have you ever thought about where would you be, if you still remain in the ''Uncomfort zone'' because you were afraid to switch the situation around again, worrying too much that it'll be worst ? 

How do you know that by changing would be better, and how would u know that by staying would be the best ? Stay or go will not make any difference. Think again. Staying or going is easy coz u can just buy the airplane ticket and *whoosh* and u r back. But leaving and welcoming is hard.

Will you leave a place with shattered dreams in ur heart, and it continue to stay in your head, reminding urself everyday that you once came to this big city with full confidence and now u had to leave with much thoughts and tears. If you do that, you had never left that place. Then better dont leave at all coz it doesn't make any difference. I've seen so many people's life had been crushed by their attitude of holding-on to memories and never been able to let go. 

How can one welcome a new life, but kept reminding themselves that they are a failure ? My dear, you had too many negative thinking in your head. You had to get it out. You should not take it to the end, thinking that it is a cross road. Like it's either black or white. No ~ Life isn't suppose to be like this. You should not let it happen. Look at you ... so many other people wanted to have that chance to fbe able to complete and get out with a PHD. Starting with pursuing further studies. Just like me. I didn't even have that honor to be you ! To be able to take that scroll and *whoosh* to overseas and make my name. My furthest i go is only within my mother country.

Take it as a fresh and happy phase in life. A phase just like the time when you chose to leave and fly faraway. Why making that decision to leave is easy but making the decision coming back is so hard ? Think again. It's the same. There's never a better choice. A or B it's always just a choice. How we hold that choice in our hands, and make miracles, is how we look at things and produces results.

Maybe things weren't that tough there. Maybe it was you all along. That you, getting along with yourself is tough. That makes everything even tougher. You make yourself unhappy because you always think that you haven't got what you wanted yet. Pursuing is good, but our attitude in pursuing makes a big difference in the end result. I dont mean that your attitude is bad or trying to make a point saying that u were wrong. What i am trying to say is that, it's a whole package thing. You'll have to take in count of everything. Not just a part of ur life, but your whole life.

I hope that for all that i write, u get what im trying to say. If you still cant figure it out, jot this down and start your thinking like this ... 

Im like everyone else and everyone wants everything in life. 

If Everything = X, then X = Everything. 

Therefore, i wanna have X.

Therefore, I wanna be X.

If ''Everything happens for a reason. And the reason for Everything to happen ... starts with YOU''

Then ''X happens for a reason. And the reason for X to happen ... starts with XX. 

And the XX is YOU''

May you have peace in mind ... And find what you were actually looking for in your life ...