Sunday, June 08, 2014

the real proposal

The first and second surprise of ‘The Real Proposal 0909am, 090909’ and the third surprise where ‘The Real Proposal @ Taj Corner Restaurant 0909pm, 090909’ took place at my mamak slaps me right on my face and wake me up in my dreamy world. I tot i’s long off for 2 years plus, being low profile by just sitting at my mamak without make up everyday, living a simple life that i wanted with the person i wanted.

In this year, Year 2009, i only had a few close friends. Better name it out now … Ken, My Little Princess, Crayven, Joanne, Nelson, My one n only partner Jess Chua, Gary. Well, i guess that’s all that state on my lists of close friends or whom i call – my friends. Not to say that the rest are not, just that if there’s any chance of me blowing my top off n talking to myself, one of them will definitely be there. And that means alot to me. Coz i choose my friend wisely now. If u had been following my blog, i guess you know why.

Well, it had been a long time since i open up myself talking to you, my new friends, beautiful people and strangers in this room who might know me better than others who met me in real, coz what i wrote will only be understood by people who had a past … beautiful people who live their lifebearing burdens and responsibilities and never give up trying, searching and looking for more…

Many people, almost everyone told me that i was the luckiest girl in the whole world, to have such a perfect man. Or some, told me that my husband is the luckiest person on earth to have me. Well, all i can say, and will say, and should say, is, thank you.

Although i always write in my blog that ‘ i guess i am a lucky girl ’ but to tell u frankly, i don’t fully agree on that. I rather say ‘ Each and every single thing that people adore in my life was NEVER given by anyone else besides my life – which is given by my mother. ’ For instants, my guts of striving came from my decision to stop studying to be with my first love. Which causes my mum to throw me out of the house as i were once a top student myself. In regardless of all, i strived for what others tot i couldn’t do. I achieve what i wanted starting from the age of 18. Did i ever regret that i stopped studying to pursue for professionals and ended up being just another girl who finished her Form 5? Yes, and No. All i wanna say here is that, i pay and gain for each decision i made. I gain, i am thankful, to the people who wanted to see me fail. I paid, for a life lesson that i couldn’t turn back time, to be who i dreamt to be. But also, i exchanged both credit and debit, balancing it by being someone else i never thought i would ended up being – A girl with an ego as huge as my fake boobs ( that’s what u call), a girl who decide what is best for herself, and only listen to advice, but never let anyone else make decisions for me no more… A girl who dare to love, and dare to let it all go in just a sec.

If we don’t change, we don’t grow. If we don’t grow, we aren’t really living. So i guess what you see now is a product of how my life had treated me, and moulded me into - Me. Choose one from the below of what others love to say, and always say about me :
1.   A not so simple girl who’re materialistic and only loves the money
2   .A smart girl who get what she wants because she ain’t stupid
3.   A bitch who love to show off and only lives on her some guys money
4.   A career woman who dare to stand up for what she thinks was right, and knows what she wants
5.   Some kinda girl ~ Cool ~
6.   Just some chicks with boobs, and fake stuffs all over her body, nothing special
7.   She’s hot !
It may be hard for an egg to turn into a bird: it would be a jolly sight harder for it to learn to fly while remaining an egg. We are like eggs at present. And you cannot go on indefinitely being just an ordinary, decent egg. We must be hatched or go bad. So i guess i am just living my life like everyone else around me … i am just living my life just like you do … Just that we have different perspectives and different attitude towards life that makes what we are now, different from one another.

There can be no equality or opportunity if men and women and children be not shielded in their lives from the consequences of great industrial and social processes which they cannot alter, control, or singly cope with. But when one is not living in one’s shoes, you will never experience and understand what the other is really going through… So this is what all my blog is about.

What is the difference between someone who achieves their goals consistently and those who spend their lives and careers merely envying or cursing others? The extra mile. What i get today, is what i’ve sacrificed, good enough to get me what i wanted, to happen at the right time, falling at the right place. Things that i planned, things that i didn’t plan which surprised me, i call it - bonus. My life, my proposal, my wedding, my everything in between, besides my death, i am truly grateful and thankful. But after the proposal, i realised that i am facing something new, something i never experienced before, and it is not really something i should be happy of. I am struggling inside myself. Dont misunderstood what i am trying to say, i am just trapped in between. In one hand, it is my personal life which i amperfectly happy with. But in the other hand, it changes my personal life, my career’s direction, and it simply, almost meant, everything…

Am i happy ? Yes,and No. I am just 24, there’s so much more that i wanted to do that i haven’t complete striving. I am currently having 40% of what i wanted at my age. I always wanted more, and i always gets more. People can say what they want, but they will never know how much i want, and i can get. When the whole world sets their eyes on my proposal, they thought my man gave me everything i have, which is the main reason why i wasn’t really happy for the things that i was supposed to be happy for. But i am thankful.

So said.

My man never gave me money. I pay for all my own bills, my own living, my life. Rich is debatable. But it doesn’t mean that if a girl has some results, everything was given by her man. I hate that so much. But i also understand why everyone kept thinking that way. Coz we will always be human. And human never wanna accept what they always refuse to accept – the truth ! Suck loh ! Leng Yein, gulp it in ! Leng Yein gulp it in !
I was with my ex back then, who are commented by others, not compatible with me. From career to gaps and capability. But when things took turn from black to white, my man now is totally of different from my ex, they said it isn’t fair. Why do i always get things others wanted, but i am just a bitch ?

Let me tell u what. Do u think even if ur bf is rich, he’ll just proposed to u tru billboards and flashes it on newspapers and bathing u with luxurious things and flashing diamond as huge as ur thumb ? Dont be STUPID ! Wake up. That this, if u r a man with capabilities, money and all the bestest things in the world, will u marry a girl, doing all the above, proposing in the eyes of the world, to a girl who’re nothing but a gold digger, and nothing much more to elaborate on. Then you are stupid. And u will never be what u call – a rich man. Coz u aren’t smart enough to earn your first bucket of gold. And so said, u will never be able to pay for a single proposal, and what more for the upcoming wedding and so on.

So u think that a ‘not-so-simple’ girl can make a mature man do things beyond what others will do. You are right, and u are wrong. They are reasons behind things, reasons only two person in love could possibly see, know, and understand. My love life back then, well kept in my heart all the time, away from public’s attention. There’s only few reasons for that. First, because it is my private life, not a job, not my bags, not assets. Secondly, to avoid complications, if u r smart enough to understand what i am trying to say. Third, because i don’t like my achievements to be credited to my man. Because he aint the one giving me all this. It is always, and will always be, me myself and i.

Do u think i chose my man because he has quality materials in life ? You are totally wrong. Among all, i only choose what i knew was the best man for me. He has a high quality in his personality. I don’t wish to elaborate on that much. I choose a man who wants a simple life of forever happiness, not a man with cars that will be sold half of the price in months to come. I don’t need an ATM machine when i am already one. Get it ?

So u think all the luxurious things a girls can have has to come from man. What makes u think that a woman cant get what she wants all by herself ? We women marry a man, because YOU wanted to be with us. So it’s fair. But now I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth. So i do not want to touch on this in details. Those who’re my friend will understand my reasons for writing this blog. I love my husband, and he loves me too. We love each other as much, and we will do anything to make everything perfect for each other.

So said. I hope that this topic will not be discussed upon blogs, comments, in Friendster, Facebook or any chat rooms. I believe that one who doesn’t bless others wont be blessed. I alwaysleave a beautiful comment before i sign off. And i hope all of you who’re in this room, all the beautifull people around the world can do the same. Just bless, and not discuss and make ur own assumption.
Love, without expectation. And you will be loved, just the way you wanted it to be. Learn to give, and never stop giving. Only by then, you will be loved whole heartly by ur man. And stop guessing. My man is no doubt what you guessed and said – to be the sweetest man in the world … I agree. But may i have a say in this, in a more appropriate way – he is ‘The One’, not just anyone. He is – my man. And i am proud of him.
So wish well, and give me a break. Coz ur words are causing me nuts and given me much unhappiness. But i am almost getting over it now. It is the matter of my own pride, for being just who i am, not who made me what i am. So said. Understood. I have my life, so do you.

Well, i guess i will stop here now. May the ending of Year 2009 of yours be blessed with much love and greatest of things. I hereby wishing all of you love, and may u be blessed with the most beautiful things in the world, and may all your dreams come true …

Love Always ,
Leng Yein

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